My "Hug"

Our invitations went out this week and we have gotten lots of responses so far! I come home to a little stack of response cards every day. :)

Today I got a Facebook message from my great-aunt Billie Sue who thanked me for the beautiful invitation (reminded me of someone I missed-- oops!) and told me a sweet story that made me cry:

It's so good to see your happy planning here on facebook. The first time I ever saw you was on the dirt road in front of Greatmamas house. Don held you up in the window of the pickup and said "have you seen our little peanut?" He was proud of you and with good reason. Love You.

Don Draper is the name of my grandfather who passed away when I was little. I never knew him very well, even though I have memories of him, and I am always happy to hear stories about him & me together. Once I was at my grandmother's house after he died and we found a poem in his handwriting on some notebook paper that he had written about his little "red on the head." He was a redhead, too-- exactly like Annie Blue and me.

My incredibly handsome Pawpaw, holding me as a baby.

Memaw with all the kids (before Annie Blue was born)
in our kitchen in Tennessee.

When we were all really little, Pawpaw and Memaw got us blankets that they called our "hugs." They lived in Arkansas about eight hours away from us and we did not get to see them as much as we wanted, but they told us that with our magic "hugs" we could hug the blanket anytime we wanted a real hug from Memaw and Pawpaw and it would go straight to them. I remember lots of times when I was little crying myself to sleep on my "hug" and wishing I could know my Pawpaw.

My grandmother passed away as well a few years ago in December. My family and I went to Arkansas for the funeral and to settle her affairs and found two wonderful surprises that she left for us (perhaps unintentionally). One of the discoveries was mine. I was looking through a trunk of papers and almost gasped when I found a box marked "LOVE LETTERS" in big letters in my Memaw's handwriting. I opened it and inside found all the correspondence between my grandparents when they were dating (and a few after they were married). We all decided that Memaw knew good and well that we would find them if anything were to happen to her and that she would have gotten rid of them if she wanted them to remain a secret. Since she didn't, we took it as her implicit blessing that they were now ours to be shared. I was the first one to read through all of them as I somehow managed to win the task of compiling them all into a book for the others to read. I remember the thrill of typing them up as I got to know my grandparents a little better, occasionally running downstairs to share with my mother one or two boldly romantic things they would write to one another, such as the "mad, fierce love" they were going to make once they were married. :)

The other special treasure that was found was found by Uncle Donnie, my mother's brother. He was going through more of her things, looking for deeds and titles that might need to be settled, and found the famous necklace we had always seen her wear in the portrait of the two of them that hung on her wall. None of us had ever known whether the necklace even existed anymore, whether it was hers or whether she had borrowed it from a friend for the picture. But there it was and we all knew exactly what it was when he opened it. I asked my Uncle Donnie that day if someday I might be able to wear it the day I got married. He agreed absolutely.

Today I called him and we talked for a while as I asked if he and my aunt could come to the wedding. I asked about the necklace and he said that he would find a way to get it to me, maybe even bringing it personally (which would, of course, be my preference). Stephanie and I are designing the neckline of my dress so that it compliments the way the necklace will fall. I cannot wait to put it on in August.

I was crying on the way home tonight, as it hit me once again that my grandparents cannot be with me to celebrate me falling in love and marrying my best friend. My Memaw always told me I was too young to think about boyfriends, but I think she would like Belmont very much (especially because my mom has told me that he resembles my grandfather in a lot of ways). I started thinking about things and hoping that they get to watch me anyway, even if heaven is a lot more exciting.

I thought about Luke 16, where the rich man dies and sees Lazarus at Abraham's side. And of the fellowship of the saints, and of the fact that angels in heaven know the affairs of earth (since they have come to earth on various occasions and in I Peter it says that angels desire to look into the mysteries of the gospel). Both of my grandparents were Christians and I know they are in heaven. The philosophical side of me thinks it is semi-plausible that they might be able to watch on August 6th (and other times too)...

I hope so.

If not, I know that someday I can tell them all about it and introduce them to Belmont. Until then, I still have my "hug."
I still imagine my hugs going straight to them just when I need them most, even if it was always just pretend magic that they used in order to tell a little girl that they loved her. Someday the blanket will be gone because someday I will no longer need it. They will be there and so will I. We will have great reason to rejoice. And great reason to hug.